the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
