your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
