this beer tastes like vomit already
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
