whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
