You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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