We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
