I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's blow job season.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
