I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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