U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
