Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize