I need help removing her.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Randomize
