I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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