I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
