Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
