1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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