There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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