Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
