Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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