i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
