Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
