At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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