Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
