Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
