Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need to align my fucking chakras
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