will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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