if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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