We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize