How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
