i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
