Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
