it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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