Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
