Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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