Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize