Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
