Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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