So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
