I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize