After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize