You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
