He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
