Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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