she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
