My first STD was from a foam party
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
