I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
