you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
