did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you guys were way drunker than both of me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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