I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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