Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
