We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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