my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize