i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
