I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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