Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
