I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
