Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
