True but thats because hes a fetus.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
