Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
