Betty ford says i'm here all night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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