We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize