he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
