She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
