I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
