i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
