I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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