Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he thought i was a dude.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
