we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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