im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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