omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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