so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
