I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
