talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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