Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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