Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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