he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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