I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
