Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
