i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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