We named our party play list daddy issues
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize