and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
