Someone shit on the floor
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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