I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
