Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
