I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Welp...herpes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
