im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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