I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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