You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
