my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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