At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
