Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
