I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
