you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
