But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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