I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
