i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
